I don't know if it is my innate hormone which got me here. Men and women are simply too different. Emotions are stirring now.

I am not lacking of anything, but i am the one who always gets upset. Am I too greedy for life or what?

-- I have a caring, loving family, but i still feel alone because they are far away from where I am.
-- For once I nearly went insane for having a significant other who gives me love; as time passes and the cool down of fire, xanga is still my only late night accompany when I need someone to talk to.
-- I have the privilege for higher education, but the workload stresses me out, making me age probably as fast as someone in their late thirties.
-- I have a creative mind and strong will to better everything around me, but I feel too powerless to just keep things under my control.

Please excuse my awkwardness in grammar and structure.

When I was distressed, upset, happy, or whatever reason, I always pampered myself with good food to repair my 'internal self.'

Now, when I am depressed, pissed, or upset, I don't eat.

Regardless if it is a self penalty or regulation, I start to see negative outcomes. First off, I begin to see changes on my  weight recently because I have been having NO to LOW appetite. I couldn't find interests on food now. I, myself, am surprised to see how well I can conceal or fake the others. I used to enjoy eating, not just to fulfill my human instincts but to just feel the taste of food. Last night when I got home from a late night out with friends, my stomach was churning and hurting like f-k. Then I realized that I only had 1/3 bowl of noodles, one piece of cracker, and two alcoholic drinks for the entire day. I couldn't see straight even I had only two drinks because I had alcoholic drinks on my near-empty stomach. So, I got myself a soft sponge cake and water to replenish some nutrients for my body. Gosh.  I nearly threw up after I swallowed a few bites of the cake. What happened to me?

 Other things like depression, faster heart beats, dizziness, insomnia, and constant fatigue have been bothering.

Did I get tired of food or tired of life?

Damn. it is still hurting.